The past couple weeks have gone pretty good. Yes, loosing the baby was hard in many ways- but I have felt peaceful.
Right now, physically, I feel fantastic! I'm not a 'happy/ easy' pregnant lady by any means. I feel horrible the whole time I'm carrying. After I lost the baby my body took about 10 days to get back to normal and boy does it feel nice!
Emotionally, I have felt at peace for the most part. Tonight was harder then I thought when I went to the church for Conner's 'Boy Scout Court of Honor' {where he received 3 badges! He's awesome.} and at the same time there happened to be a baby shower for the 3 ladies who are expecting at my church. The young women put in on for them and made them matching cute T-shirts that read "Mommy to be" on the front. I wasn't invited to the shower for starters, so I was a little hurt. But also that it hit me... a solid reminder I am not having a baby anymore. :( It was hard to see. Though, I am very happy for these ladies who get to have a baby. I'm just sad it' not happening for me right now that's all.
Sorta a depressing evening for me.
6 Royal Remarks:
All in good time my love even if that is the hardest thing to remember- love you!
Having not experienced this myself I cannot say everything will be ok and it happens for a reason. I just cannot. But I do know what it is like to feel kind of left out of the crowd. I know what it is like to have moments where you just want to curl up in a corner, and cry for forever. I know what that is like. Do not do it to yourself. stand tall and do not let this get you down, pray for help and he will be there for you when no one else can be. Goodness will come from your sufferings. I love you.
Autumn, Sorry to hear about the loss of your pregnancy. I lost one between Holden and Brennan and I think one of the hardest things about it was that everyone sort of seemed to just expect me to move cheerfully on. You have to give yourself the room to feel sad and to mourn the loss of something that you were anticipating. I don't think it's something other people understand very well until they've experienced it themselves.
You will feel better eventually and you'll come to peace with it - maybe the timing was off or just as our bodies deal with nature, things sometimes don't work out for a good reason - you know all of that already I'm sure - but there's still that emotional aspect to it that you have to allow yourself to adjust to -
Know that you have all of our support and prayers!
I am glad to see you blogging again. I am sorry about the rest. You have been in our prayers.
love you, big HUGGGGGG.
I've been thinking about you since I read your last post. Tough times for you Autumn. I remember feeling so left out when we couldn't get pregnant. All the years of fertility and the "unknown" really took it's toll on us. It's hard to explain the heartache when you want a child so badly and things aren't working out as planned. Hang in there girl...
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