I was reading my sister -in- laws blog post for today and ended up leaving a lengthy comment. It definitely struck a cord in me. Her thoughts lead me to thinking. And the end result brought up sad feelings. {Not her fault. My own.}
She spoke about being a different person then in high school. {I think we all are.} And that the feelings of inadequacy still linger even at 30 plus years old and to change that she is trying her best to be an out- going, fun person. I couldn't agree with her more. I am that person to a perfect T.
What I didn't expect to feel was the inadequacy I feel with most of my family members. {On both sides of my families.}
Sure, I'm a different person now and can stand up for myself. If I have a friend who talks behind my back, hurts me or turns out to not be the person I thought- I can always find another friend. {Not to say that it's that easy. It's still a painful experience.} But the mere fact that you can't change your own family isn't so easy!
I think one of the reasons God put us in family units was to help us learn love, patience, mercy, forgiveness and selflessness. These are very hard attributes to master. { I speak entirely for myself.}
I have been hurt. I have been hurt many times. I have been hurt to the point of scarring. And I HATE it. I hate remembering all the pain. I hate carrying around all these thoughts and feelings. It's very, very, very hard for me to forgive and forget. I loathe that about me.
The desire to be cherished, loved and wanted is within all of us. It's a deep feeling and yearning for me. I think the reason I have so many friends is because I feel that from them.
I have found that in most cases, family hurts and in most cases, friends make life happy.
I wish this weren't so for me. {I don't speak of EVERY member on both sides of my family. I am closer to some more then others.}
I think the reason it bothers me so much is because the people who are in my family are the ones I love the deepest. They're the ones I really want the acceptance and unconditional love from the most.
2 Royal Remarks:
I understand how you feel. It is hard when family hurts you especially when you believe in eternal families. For me the best thing has been to just forget about it for a while and build the relationships that are working. It reminds me of 'What about Bob?' When he talks about people like phones and getting a busy signal and just hanging up and trying
again later. Sometimes that is all you can do. Even if it takes 50 times of trying. Love you!
I agree that people can change. Or more importantly, that you become more comfortable with who you are, without striving to conform to other people's opinions.
I am happy with who I am, and I don't change my personality or actions based on who I am around.
I won't always get along with everyone, and I'm sure there are people who don't get along with me. I think what matters, is being a "good person" through and through.
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